"Recipe For Murder"
By: Cheryl Ford RN
14 - ounces skin lotion (apply sparingly)
1- container of lip balm (apply with cotton tip)
15 - oral swabs
20 - Chux pads
1 - scopolamine patch
5-10 mg Valium (add in regular intervals and increase to 15 mg if necessary)
2-4mg Morphine (be very generous, this ingredient speeds up the final product)
1- trash can
One turtleneck sweater (dress according to last recipe created in October)
One pair corduroy leggings (dress according to last recipe created in October)
Two heavy blankets (cover in two heavy blankets)
Preheated oven set at 1800 degrees Fahrenheit.
Arrange patients body flat after feeding tube has been removed.
Toss feeding tube contents into trash can.
Dress body in turtle neck, corduroy leggings and wrap in two heavy blankets to enhance sweating and rapid dehydration.
Place oral swabs on bedside table and swab inside of oral cavity regularly for excessive saliva.
Apply lip balm regularly as lips begin to crack and peel from dehydration.
Keep lips moist with lip balm.
Use body lotion generously, applying over all areas of body where skin begins to breakdown or show signs and symptoms of flaking, drying, cracking, or being parched.
If patient is unable to clear oral secretions, apply scopolamine patch behind ear to enhance the drying up of saliva/secretions.
Replace with new patch every three days.
Urine outflow will begin to diminish, change chux pads as necessary for incontinence of bowels and bladder.
When the patients body begins to writhe in pain and become agitated from metabolic changes and electrolyte imbalances due to no fluids or nutrition, medicate immediately with 5 to 10 mg of Valium rectally and repeat every 4 hours to minimize writhing and pain.
If Grand Mal seizure occurs, medicate with 15 mg of Valium at once and as indicated, using seizure protocol.
When body begins showing signs and symptoms of inability to breath by gasping for air, immediately nebulize with Morphine 2-4 mg every 4 hours as necessary.
For rapid and optimal outcome, continue adding ingredients to body for 7 to 10 days and on regular and consistent intervals.
Depending on altitude and size, it may be necessary to add above ingredients into body for up to 20 days before body is ready for oven.
Once body shows no sign of life and heart has stopped beating, slide off of bed and onto gurney. Discharge immediately to crematory.
Call spouse and notify.
Upon arrival to crematory, insert body into preheated furnace set at 1800 degrees for 1.5 to 3 hours.
When done, per estranged spouse, remove ashes and place in decorative urn carefully chosen by spouses live-in girlfriend so to be in coordination with interior colors of their home. Use a doilie under URN for more formal decor.
If you are experiencing difficulty digesting the above recipe, think of it as rude, callous, uncaring, ghastly, appalling, unbelievable..................
KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!
If the recipe appears a bit much for the palate or causes gastric upset, don't discard the recipe as disrespectful or made up for entertainment purposes,
DO SOMETHING TO CHANGE IT!!!!!
- Contact Cheryl Ford mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org
Theresa Marie Schindler
December 3, 1963 ~ March 31, 2005
Light a candle For Terri at her online Memorial Website
Memory-of.com - Memorial website in memory of Theresa Schindler (1963-2005)
Visit Terri's site: www.terrisfight.org